BACK IN KABUL, REALLY HATING IT AND GETTING

I'm back in Kabul after two great weeks in Herat. If you had trouble with the video on my blog, go to my Facebook page and view what's there. YouTube took down the first one because they say I infringed on the Rolling Stones' copyright shit on the "Gimme Shelter" title and use of their music. Well...here's what I have to say to YouTube: "Eat me, daddy, eight to the bar." Figure that one out. Right now, I can't view my own videos after I put them online, or even videos on sites like CNN. I have uninstalled and reinstalled Flash, Shockwave and Java. I have run my virus scan, Spy Bot and Microtrend Housecall, all of which found no infections. Anyone with any suggestions that work will be put in my will.

Anyway...Kabul still sucks. Bad traffic, bad air and just bad juju, all around. Not only that, but they just told those of us who live at the UNOCHA compound that we have to move back downtown to the Park Palace Hotel, which has now been deemed safe by the UN Department of Security Services. Except for their Close Protection Teams (some of the coolest, most professional guys I've met over here), DSS is a bunch of fucking idiots. They have no clue about the true security situation here, or anywhere, for that matter. We cannot figure out what they base their security decisions on and they are totally secretive about how they do things. But, get this...they are so "secure" that their own web site got hacked last week. Ha, ha, ha. You couldn't make this shit up, if you tried. Yeah, and here's why we have to move.

I've said before that we live way the hell out Jalalabad Road, known as "bomb alley." That's because the local bad guys keep trying to bomb ISAF/NATO convoys when they pull out, or go into, their bases located on Jalalabad Road. We live past these bases, so we have to go by them twice a day, which is, in fact, exposing us to possible incidents. When they told us we had to move out there, I specifically asked, "Uh, isn't kind of fucked up since we have to pass by the main bombing areas twice a day?" "Yeah, but it is all we can do right now because there a lack of housing in town." Which was not exactly accurate, but that's another story. So, now, they have decided that the "Line of Death" (I made that up) begins just east of Camp Phoenix, the area where most of the bombings occur and we are east of that. Hence, now we have to cross the "Line of Death" twice a day and, all of a sudden, the route is unsafe. As I have said many, many times, you could not make this kind of shit up if you tried.

Here's an example of incomprehensible "security" analysis. When we got to Herat on March 11, we went to the local DSS office for our mandatory security briefing. After a lot of "blah, blah, blah" and "yadda, yadda, yadda," this is what we were told: "The number of security incidents is down." Followed by: " But the area is a security problem." Huh? So, I asked, "Well, what kind of things have happened?" "A young girl, the daughter of a rich guy, was kidnapped." "So, what happened." "The kidnappers were eating and she jumped out a window and escaped." Again...huh?
I check the news sites all over Afghanistan--like Afghanistan Outlook, Afghan News Today, al Jazeera English--and here's the only incident in Herat I could find in the recent past before we arrived. Two bad guys trying to set up an IED managed to blow themselves up. From our perspective, that's a good thing. Then we were told that Herat city was so bad, we could not go to any restaurants or hotels. Yet, the nationals go to these places for lunch every day. We gave up trying to understand how DSS arrives at their conclusions because it was hurting our brains, kind of like that Monty Python routine where Michael Palin is a Gumby and tells John Cleese--the brain surgeon--"My brain hurts," while Cleese is yelling for the nurse. As we like to say, "What the hell, it's Afghanistan, for crying out loud."

It’s Saturday night. Had dinner with a group of friends at the UNICA compound where I first lived. It was great and I did all the cooking, something which those who know me well know that I love. Made marinated chicken (teriyaki, white wine, garlic, fresh pepper) and flank steak; fanned, roasted potatoes with rosemary; a vegetable medley of fresh carrots, peas and green beans. Made garlic bread with these great, fresh Afghan rolls with a little Danish unsalted butter, a drizzle of olive oil, rosemary and grated, dry French cheese. A good time was had by all, even when all the gunfire started in the distance. Still don’t know what that was, maybe a wedding.
I finally got my videos to play on my Facebook page. Turns out there was Flash update that you can’t find unless you go through some weird shit in a file called WOW64. Founbd it on a tech site.Follow the link above and it will take you there.

I’m happy because I am returning to Herat on April with my Afghan friend, Daud, who is our National Project Coordinator, and our interpreter, Mobeen. I will be there until the 11th and then return to Kabul to get ready to come home on leave to my wonderful wife, the ponies, the doggies and the kitties...even fat, stinky Stonewall. Mona has practically redone the entire house and I can’t wait to see it. I have picked up three very cool small rugs for the new wood laminate floors. Two Baloche and one Persian. I paid $50 for a Persian rug that is about 3x5 and it would probably sell for $400 in the States. Can’t wait to see how they look.

Victor, my Ukrainian pal, and I will be teaching together at the Afghan Border Police NCO Academy. One of us will teach in the morning, the other in the afternoon. I am going to teach—get this “Community Policing.” If you had told me when I was doing the defense capital investigations that I would be teaching Community Policing, or Crime Scene Investigations, to cops of any country, let alone in Afghanistan, I would have thought you were smoking the dope they make over here. I have had to teach myself about this topic in order to teach others and it has been very instructive. I actually realized that this is the future of serious police work. If the community trusts you, they will tell you where the bad guys and when the dope is coming through. Too much.

Guess that’s enough for this week. Pretty tired tonight and sitting back to watch Animal Planet. Hope everyone is well and that I get to see a bunch of you in about three weeks.